I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
