C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
