I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
