On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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