Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
