can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
