There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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