I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
