he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
