these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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