his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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