I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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