I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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