you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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