There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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