yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
