SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
