Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
