We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize