You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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