One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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