I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
