I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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