the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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