Apparently you make a good broom.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
