you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
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Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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