He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
