the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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