I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
