Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
