i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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