I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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