my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
