Will you blow on my dice?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
