I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
