is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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