Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
