I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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