I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The uberlube is also flammable
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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