Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
