So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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