youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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