Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
