I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
