Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
