At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
