guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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