she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
