Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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