I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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