I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry my hands just texted you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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