I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
