guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
