he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
