I could make wine with my vomit
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
foreskin is a definite game changer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
