wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
