I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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