he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
