I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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