It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
