Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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